Giving up “F” for Lent

Whenever Lent rolls around, I feel the need to appease the guilt of removing my phone number from the rolls of various charitable organisations by taking advantage of the short period of time where a minor disturbance of enthusiasm waves over us and we decide to better ourselves by giving something up for six weeks.

It’s usually easy to think of things to give up for Lent. For those who engage in the following practices, I would recommend that now is a good time to test your willpower: Playing the bagpipes; eating daffodils; cycling slowly up hills, to take a few examples off the top of my head.

Traditionally, I haven’t really given up anything of any consequence for Lent. Last year I think I successfully gave up alcohol, but seemingly drank so much thereafter that my memories previous to the event are hazy.

So far this year, I’ve already given up pancakes, but I don’t really eat pancakes. I seriously considered giving up Facebook [for reasons like decreasing impetus to make contact with people in any other manner, and digital eavesdropping on other peoples’ lives], but at this point I do find myself quite socially reliant on it. That’s not to say I couldn’t go to the effort of giving it up but I haven’t really prepared. Besides, I’d miss you!

And there was the dilemma that millions of people doubtlessly have. I really couldn’t think of anything to give up. Besides which I’m not much of a giver-upper anyway. I’m sure at least some of you will have witnessed the persistent, stubborn, metaphorical liaison between my fist and deceased, hooven quadrupeds.

Then it came to me, like the message came to Moses, or like the human form of BSE just came to Charlie Sheen: I thought of something I could give up to make the world a better place. It would be a challenge; it would be beneficial to others; and overall, it should be of benefit to myself. Perfect!

Forever I have been stuck in a songwriting rut whereby, whatever chords and ditties I play, I will always return to the same one chord with staggering recurrence. I am so stubborn when writing music and I find it hard to break out of certain boxes. When it comes to chord use, I just keep finding myself coming back to the same one. My favourite chord. I have been writing a lot of music recently, and I have plans to do more over the coming weeks. It would be for the better of myself, and anyone who has to listen to my music, if I did something different, for a change.

So ladies and gentlemen, for the next 6 weeks, you will not hear me play Fmaj7add9. I solemnly, solemnly promise.